346 Twelfth-Stepping References, Techniques, Tips,
& Sponsorship Tools in the Big Book,
"Alcoholics Anonymous"

"Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery."
--Alcoholics Anonymous, page 97 --

Compiled by Mike L. & Barefoot Bill L.

Twelfth-Stepping References, Techniques, Tips,
& Sponsorship Tools in the Big Book
(All page number references refer to Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition,
(c) Alcoholics Anonymous, World Services, Inc.)

From 'Forward to First Edition':

1. Page xiii, ¶ 1: "To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book."
2. Page xiv, ¶ 0: "We simply wish to be helpful to those who are afflicted."
3. Page xiv, ¶ 1: "We shall be interested to hear from those who are getting results from this book, particularly form those who have commenced work with other alcoholics. We should like to be helpful to such cases."

   From 'Forward to Second Edition':
   

4. Page xv, ¶ 3: "The spark that was to flare into the first A.A. group was struck at Akron, Ohio in June 1935, during a talk between a New York stockbroker and an Akron physician."
5. Page xv, ¶ 3: "Six months earlier, the broker had been relieved of his drink obsession by a sudden spiritual experience, following a meeting with an alcoholic friend..."
6. Page xvi, ¶ 1: "Prior to his journey to Akron, the broker had worked hard with many alcoholics on the theory that only an alcoholic could help an alcoholic..."
7. Page xvi, ¶ 1: "He suddenly realized that in order to save himself he must carry his message to another alcoholic."
8. Page xvi, ¶ 2: "But when the broker gave him Dr. Silkworth's description of alcoholism and its hopelessness, the physician began to pursue the spiritual remedy for his malady with a willingness he had never before been able to muster."
9. Page xvi, ¶ 2: "This seemed to prove that one alcoholic could affect another as no nonalcoholic could."
10. Page xvii, ¶ 0: "It also indicated that strenuous work, one alcoholic with another, was vital to permanent recovery."
11. Page xvii, ¶ 1: "Hence the two men set to work almost frantically upon alcoholics arriving in the ward of the Akron City Hospital."
12. Page xviii, ¶ 0: "Businessmen, traveling out of existing groups, were referred to these prospective newcomers."
13. Page xviii, ¶ 0: "...A.A.'s message could be transmitted in the mail as well as by word of mouth."

    From 'Forward to Third Edition':
    

14. Page xxii, ¶ 2: "...A.A. is reaching out, not only to more and more people, but to a wider and wider range."
15. Page xxii, ¶ 4: "Each day, somewhere in the world, recovery begins when one alcoholic talks with another alcoholic, sharing experience, strength, and hope."

    From 'The Doctor's Opinion':

16. Page xxiii, ¶ 4: "As part of his [Bill W.'s] rehabilitation he commenced to present his conceptions to other alcoholics, impressing upon them that they must do likewise with still others."
17. Page xxiv, ¶ 0: "These men may well have a remedy for thousands of such situations."
18. Page xxiv, ¶ 1: "You may rely absolutely on anything they say about themselves."
19. Page xxiv, ¶ 4: "Though we work out our solutions on the spiritual as well as an altruistic plane, we favor hospitalization for the alcoholic who is very jittery or befogged."
20. Page xxiv, ¶ 4: "More often than not, it is imperative that a man's brain be cleared before he is approached, as he has then a better chance of understanding and accepting what we have to offer."
21. Page xxv, ¶ 4: "We doctors have realized for a long time that some form of moral psychology was of urgent importance to alcoholics, but its application presented difficulties beyond our conception."
22. Page xxv, ¶ 5: "Many years ago one of the leading contributors to this book [Bill W.] came under our care in this hospital and while here he acquired some ideas which he put into practical application at once."
23. Page xxv, ¶ 6: "Later, he requested the privilege of being allowed to tell his story to other patients here [Towns Hospital]..."
24. Page xxv, ¶ 7: "Of course an alcoholic ought to be freed from his physical craving for liquor, and this often requires a definite hospital procedure, before psychological measures can be of maximum benefit."
25. Page xxvi, ¶ 2: "The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight."
26. Page xxix, ¶ 2: "He accepted the plan outlined in this book."
27. Page xxx, ¶ 1: "...he did become "sold" on the ideas contained in this book. He has not had a drink for a great many years."
28. Page xxx, ¶ 2: "I earnestly advise every alcoholic to read this book through, and though perhaps he came to scoff, he may remain to pray."

    From Chapter 1: 'Bill's Story':
    

29. Page 8, ¶ 4: "My musing was interrupted by the telephone. The cheery voice of an old school friend asked if he might come over. He was sober."
30. Page 9, ¶ 6: "But he did no ranting. In a matter of fact way he told how two men had appeared in court, persuading the judge to suspend his commitment."
31. Page 9, ¶ 6: "They had told of a simple religious idea and a practical program of action. That was two months ago and the result was self-evident. It worked!"
32. Page 9, ¶ 7: "He had come to pass his experience along to me-if I cared to have it. I was shocked, but interested. Certainly I was interested. I had to be, for I was hopeless."
33. Page 10, ¶ 1: "He talked for hours."
34. Page 11, ¶ 3: "But my friend sat before me, and he made the pointblank declaration that God had done for him what he could not do for himself."
35. Page 11, ¶ 5: "...here sat a miracle directly across the kitchen table. He shouted great tidings."
36. Page 11, ¶ 6: "I saw that my friend was much more than inwardly reorganized. He was on different footing. His roots grasped a new soil."
37. Page 12, ¶ 2: "My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. He said, "Why don't you choose your own conception of God?"
38. Page 12, ¶ 4: "Upon a foundation of complete willingness I might build what I saw in my friend. Would I have it? Of course I would!"
39. Page 13, ¶ 3: "My schoolmate visited me, and I fully acquainted him with my problems and deficiencies."
40. Page 13, ¶ 3: "We made a list of people I had hurt or toward whom I felt resentment."
41. Page 13, ¶ 5: "My friend promised when these things were done I would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator; that I would have the elements of a way of living which answered all my problems."
42. Page 14, ¶ 5: "While I lay in the hospital the thought came that there were thousands of hopeless alcoholics who might be glad to have what had been so freely given me. Perhaps I could help some of them. They in turn might work with others."
43. Page 14, ¶ 6: "My friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs."
44. Page 14, ¶ 6: "Particularly was it imperative to work with others as he had worked with me."
45. Page 14, ¶ 6: "Faith without works was dead, he said. And how appallingly true for the alcoholic! For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank, he would surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed. With us it is just like that."
46. Page 15, ¶ 1: "My wife and I abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm to the idea of helping other alcoholics to a solution of their problems."
47. Page 15, ¶ 1: "I was not too well at the time, and was plagued by waves of self-pity and resentment. This sometimes nearly drove me back to drink, but I soon found that when all other measure failed, work with another alcoholic would save the day."
48. Page 15, ¶ 1: "Many times I have gone to my old hospital in despair. On talking to a man there, I would be amazingly lifted up and set on my feet. It is a design for living that works in rough going."
49. Page 15, ¶ 2: "We commenced to make many fast friends and a fellowship has grown up among us of which it is a wonderful thing to feel a part. The joy of living we really have, even under pressure and difficulty."
50. Page 15, ¶ 2: "We meet frequently so that newcomers may find the fellowship hey seek. At these informal gatherings one may often see from 50 to 200 persons. We are growing in numbers and power."
51. Page 16, ¶ 3: "Most of us feel we need look no further for Utopia. We have it with us right here and now. Each day my friend's simple talk in our kitchen multiplies itself in a widening circle of peace on earth and good will to men."

    From Chapter 2: 'There is a Solution':
    

52. Page 17, ¶ 3: "The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism."

53. Page 18, ¶ 4: "But the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished."
    

    "...These are the conditions we have found most effective [for a Twelfth-Step Call]." (Taken from the last line of page 18, out of sequence.)

54. Page 18, ¶ 5: "That the man who is making the approach has had the same difficulty..."
55. Page 18, ¶ 5: "...that he obviously knows what he is talking about..."
56. Page 18, ¶ 5: "...that his whole deportment shouts at the new prospect that he is a man with a real answer..."
57. Page 18, ¶ 5: "...that he has no attitude of Holier Than Thou..."
58. Page 18, ¶ 5: "...nothing whatever except the sincere desire to be helpful..."
59. Page 18, ¶ 5: "...that there are no fees to pay..."
60. Page 18, ¶ 5: "...no axes to grind..."
61. Page 18, ¶ 5: "...no people to please..."
62. Page 18, ¶ 5: "...no lectures to be endured - these are the conditions we have found most effective. After such an approach many take up their beds and walk again."
63. Page 19, ¶ 1: "None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did."
64. Page 19, ¶ 1: "All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe. A few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all their time to the work."
65. Page 19, ¶ 3: "We have concluded to publish an anonymous volume setting forth the problem as we see it. We shall bring to the task our combined experience and knowledge. This should suggest a useful program for anyone concerned with a drinking problem."
66. Page 20, ¶ 0: "Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs."
67. Page 20, ¶ 2: [For the question of: "What do I have to do?"]: "It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically. We shall tell you what we have done."
68. Page 25, ¶ 1: "When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at out feet."
69. Page 25, ¶ 3: "...we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. This we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort."
70. Page 28, ¶ 2: "We, in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men."
71. Page 28, ¶ 3: "We have no desire to convince anyone that there is only one way by which faith can be acquired."
72. Page 29, ¶ 1: "...clear-cut directions are given showing how we recovered."
73. Page 29, ¶ 2: "Each individual, in the personal stories, describes in his own language and from his own point of view the way he established his relationship with God. These give a fair cross section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has actually happened in their lives."

    From Chapter 3: 'More About Alcoholism':
    

74. Page 31, ¶ 1: "If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!"
75. Page 31, ¶ 3: "We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself, Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition."
76. Page 34, ¶ 1: "If anyone questions whether he has entered this dangerous area, let him try leaving liquor alone for one year. If he is a real alcoholic and very far advanced, there is scant chance of success."
77. Page 35, ¶ 2 & 3: "On leaving the asylum he came into contact with us. We told him what we knew of alcoholism and the answer we had found."
78. Page 35, ¶ 3: "To his consternation, he found himself drunk half a dozen times in rapid succession. On each of these occasions we worked with him, reviewing carefully what had happened. He agreed he was a real alcoholic and in a serious condition."
79. Page 36, ¶ 1: "Yet he got drunk again. We asked him to tell us exactly how it happened."
80. Page 39, ¶ 2: "We first saw Fred about a year ago in a hospital where he had gone to recover from a bad case of jitters... We told him what we knew about alcoholism. He was interested and conceded that he had some of the symptoms, but he was a long way from admitting that he could do nothing about it himself."
81. Page 40, ¶ 1: "We heard no more of Fred for a while. One day we were told that he was back in the hospital. This time he was quite shaky. He soon indicated he was anxious to see us."
82. Page 40, ¶ 2: "I rather appreciated your ideas about the subtle insanity which precedes the first drink..."
83. Page 41, ¶ 2: "I now remembered what my alcoholic friends had told me, how they prophesied that if I had an alcoholic mind, the time and place would come-I would drink again. They had said that though I did raise a defense, it would one day give way before some trivial reason for having a drink."
84. Page 42, ¶ 1: "Two of the members of Alcoholics Anonymous came to see me. They grinned, which I didn't like so much, and then asked me if I thought myself alcoholic and if I were really licked this time. I had to concede both propositions."
85. Page 42, ¶ 1: "They piled on me heaps of evidence to the effect that an alcoholic mentality, such as I had exhibited in Washington, was hopeless condition."
86. Page 42, ¶ 1: "They cited cases out of their own experience by the dozen. This process snuffed out the last flicker of conviction that I could do the job myself."
87. Page 42, ¶ 2: "Then they outlined the spiritual answer and program of action which a hundred of them had followed successfully."
88. Page 42, ¶ 3: "Quite as important was the discovery that spiritual principles would solve all my problems."

    From Chapter 4: 'We Agnostics':
    

89. Page 45, ¶1 & 2: "But where and how were we to find this Power? Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem."
90. Page 45, ¶2 & 3: "Many times we talk to a new man and watch his hope rise as we discuss his alcoholic problems and explain our fellowship. But his face falls when we speak of spiritual matters, especially when we mention God, for we have re-opened a subject which our man thought he had neatly evaded or entirely ignored. We know how he feels. We have shared his honest doubt and prejudice."
91. Page 47, ¶1: "When, therefore, we speak to you of God, we mean your own conception of God. This applies, too, to other spiritual expressions which you find in this book."
92. Page 47, ¶2: "As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way."
93. Page 49, ¶2: "We, who have traveled this dubious path, beg you to lay aside prejudice..."
94. Page 50, ¶2: "In our personal stories you will find a wide variation in the way each teller approaches and conceives of the Power which is greater than himself. Whether we agree with a particular approach or conception seems to make little difference. Experience has taught us that these are matters about which, for our purpose, we need not be worried. They are questions for each individual to settle for himself."
95. Page 50, ¶3: "On one proposition, however, these men and women are strikingly agreed. Every one of them has gained access to, and believes in, a Power greater than himself. This Power has in each case accomplished the miraculous, the humanly impossible."
96. Page 50, ¶4: "Once confused and baffled by the seeming futility of existence, they show the underlying reasons why they were making heavy going of life."
97. Page 51, ¶0: "Leaving aside the drink question, they tell why living was so unsatisfactory."
98. Page 51, ¶0: "They show how the change came over them."
99. Page 51, ¶0: "When many hundreds of people are able to say that the consciousness of the Presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith."
100. Page 55, ¶4: "We can only clear the ground a bit. If our testimony helps sweep away prejudice, enables you to think honestly, encourages you to search diligently within yourself, then, if you wish, you can join us on the Broad Highway. With this attitude you cannot fail. the consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you."
101. Page 56, ¶2: "One night, when confined in a hospital, he was approached by an alcoholic who had known a spiritual experience."

     From Chapter 5: 'How It Works':
     

102. Page 58, ¶2: "Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now."
103. Page 58, ¶2: "If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it-then you are ready to take certain steps." (See pages 76 & 79)
104. Page 58, ¶3: "At some of these we balked. thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely."
105. Page 58, ¶4: "Remember that we deal with alcohol-cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power-that One is God. May you find Him now!"
106. Page 59, ¶1: "Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. we asked His protection and care with complete abandon."
107. Page 59, ¶2: "Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery..."
108. Page 60, ¶1: "Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection."
109. Page 60, ¶2: "Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventure before and after make clear three pertinent ideas: (a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. (b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism. (c) That God could and would if He were sought.
110. Page 63, ¶1: "More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life."
111. Page 63, ¶3: "We found it very desirable to take this spiritual step [Step 3] with an understanding person, such as our wife, best friend, or spiritual adviser."
112. Page 69, ¶0: "We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone's sex conduct."
113. Page 69, ¶4: "Counsel with persons is often desirable, but we let God be the final judge."
114. Page 70, ¶2: "If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping others. We think of their needs and work for them. This takes us out of ourselves. It quiets the imperious urge, when to yield would mean heartache."

     From Chapter 6: 'Into Action':
     

115. Page 72, ¶2: "Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is that they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory all right, but hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism and fear; they only thought they had humbled themselves. But they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until they told someone else all their life story."
116. Page 74, ¶4: "We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world. Rightly and naturally, we think well before we choose the person or persons with whom to take this intimate and confidential step."
117. Page 74, ¶2: "It is important that he be able to keep a confidence; that he fully understand and approve what we are driving at; that he will not try to change our plan."
118. Page 75, ¶1: "He should realize that we are engaged upon a life-and-death errand. Most people approached in this way will be glad to help; they will be honored by our confidence."
119. Page 76, ¶3: "Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol." (See pages 58 & 79)
120. Page 77, ¶0: "Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us."
121. Page 79, ¶1: "Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience..." (See pages 58 & 76)
122. Page 82, ¶3: "We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough."
123. Page 85, ¶1: "Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities."
124. Page 88, ¶3: "There is action and more action. "Faith without works is dead." The next chapter is entirely devoted to Step Twelve."

     From Chapter 7: 'Working with Others':
     

125. Page 89, ¶1: "Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our twelfth suggestion: Carry this message to other alcoholics! You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when other fail. Remember they are very ill.
126. Page 89, ¶2: "Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends - this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives."
127. Page 89, ¶3: "Perhaps you are not acquainted with any drinkers who want to recover. You can easily find some by asking a few doctors, ministers, priests or hospitals."
128. Page 89, ¶3: "Don't start out as an evangelist or reformer. Unfortunately a lot of prejudice exists. You will be handicapped if you arouse it. Ministers and doctors are competent and you can learn much from them if you wish, but it happens that because of your own drinking experience you can be uniquely useful to other alcoholics. So cooperate; never criticize. To be helpful is our only aim.
129. Page 90, ¶1: "When you discover a prospect for Alcoholics Anonymous, find out all you can about him. If he does not want to stop drinking, don't waste time trying to persuade him. You may spoil a later opportunity. This advice is given for his family also. They should be patient, realizing they are dealing with a sick person."
130. Page 90, ¶2: "If there is any indication that he wants to stop, have a good talk with the person most interested in him usually his wife. Get an idea of his behavior, his problems, his background, the seriousness of his condition, and his religious leanings. You need this information to put yourself in his place, to see how you would like him to approach you if the tables were turned."
131. Page 90, ¶3: "Sometimes it is wise to wait till he goes on a binge. The family may object to this, but unless he is in a dangerous physical condition, it is better to risk it. Don't deal with him when he is very drunk, unless he is ugly and the family needs your help. Wait for the end of the spree, or at least for a lucid interval. Then let his family or a friend ask him if he wants to quit for good and if he would go to any extreme to do so. If he says yes, then his attention should be drawn to you as a person who has recovered. You should be described to him as one of a fellowship who, as part of their own recovery, try to help others and who will be glad to talk to him if he cares to see you."
132. Page 90, ¶4: "If he does not want to see you, never force yourself upon him. Neither should the family hysterically plead with him to do anything, nor should they tell him much about you. They should wait for the end of his next drinking bout. You might place this book where he can see it in the interval. Here no specific rule can be given. The family must decide these things. But urge them not to be overanxious, for that might spoil matters."
133. Page 91, ¶1: "Usually the family should not try to tell your story. When possible, avoid meeting a man through his family. Approach through a doctor or an institution is a better bet. If your man needs hospitalization, he should have it, but not forcibly unless he is violent. Let the doctor, if he will, tell him he has something in the way of a solution."
134. Page 91, ¶2: "When your man is better, the doctor might suggest a visit from you. Though you have talked with the family, leave them out of the first discussion. Under these conditions your prospect will see he is under no pressure. He will feel he can deal with you without being nagged by his family. Call on him while he is still jittery. He may be more receptive when depressed."
135. Page 91, ¶3: "See your man alone, if possible. At first engage in general conversation. After a while, turn the talk to some phase of drinking. Tell him enough about your drinking habits, symptoms, and experiences to encourage him to speak of himself. If he wishes to talk, let him do so. You will thus get a better idea of how you ought to proceed. If he is not communicative, give him a sketch or your drinking career up to the time you quit. But say nothing, for the moment, of how that was accomplished. If he is in a serious mood dwell on the troubles liquor has caused you, being careful not to moralize or lecture. If his mood is light, tell him humorous stories of your escapades. Get him to tell some of his."
136. Page 91, ¶4: "When he sees you know all about the drinking game, commence to describe yourself as an alcoholic. Tell him how baffled you were, how you finally learned that you were sick. Give him an account of the struggles you made to stop. Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism. If he is alcoholic, he will understand you at once. He will match you mental inconsistencies with some of his own."
137. Page 92, ¶: "If you are satisfied that he is a real alcoholic, begin to dwell on the hopeless feature of the malady. Show him, from your own experience, how the queer mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power. Don't, at this stage, refer to this book, unless he has seen it and wishes to discuss it. And be careful not to brand him as an alcoholic. Let him draw his own conclusion. If he sticks to the idea that he can still control his drinking, tell him that possibly he can is if he is not too alcoholic. But insist that if he is severely afflicted, there may be little chance he can recover by himself."
138. Page 92, ¶2: "Continue to speak of alcoholism as an illness, a fatal malady. Talk about the conditions of body and mind which accompany it. Keep his attention focused mainly on your personal experience. Explain that many are doomed who never realize their predicament."
139. Page 92, ¶2: "But you may talk to him about the hopelessness of alcoholism because you offer a solution."
140. Page 92, ¶2: "If his own doctor is willing to tell him that he is alcoholic, so much the better. Even though your protégé may not have entirely admitted his condition, he has become very curious to know how you got well. Let him ask you that question, if he will. Tell him exactly what happened to you. Stress the spiritual feature freely. If the man be agnostic or atheist, make it emphatic that he does not have to agree with your conception of God. He can choose any conception he likes, provided it makes sense to him. The main thing is that he be willing to believe in a Power greater than himself and that he live by spiritual principles."
141. Page 93, ¶1: "When dealing with such a person, you had better use everyday language to describe spiritual principles. There is no use arousing any prejudice he may have against certain theological terms and conceptions about which he may already be confused. Don't raise such issues, no matter what your own convictions are."
142. Page 93, ¶2: "Your prospect may belong to a religious denomination. His religious education and training may be far superior to yours. In that case he is going to wonder how you can add nothing to what he already knows. But he well be curious to learn why his own convictions have not worked and why yours seem to work so well. He may be an example of the truth that faith alone is insufficient. To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self sacrifice and unselfish, constructive action. Let him see that you are not there to instruct him in religion. Admit that he probably knows more about it than you do, but call to his attention the fact that however deep his faith and knowledge, he could not have applied it or he would not drink. Perhaps your story will help him see where he has failed to practice the very precepts he knows so well. We represent no particular faith or denomination. We are dealing only with general principles common to most denominations."
143. Page 94, ¶1: "Outline the program of action, explaining how you made a self appraisal, how you straightened out your past and why you are now endeavoring to be helpful to him. It is important for him to realize that your attempt to pass this on to him plays a vital part in your recovery. Actually, he may be helping you more than you are helping him. Make it plain he is under no obligation to you, that you hope only that he will try to help other alcoholics when he escapes his own difficulties. Suggest how important it is that he place the welfare of other people ahead of his own. Make it clear that he is not under pressure, that he needn't see you again if he doesn't want to. You should not be offended if he wants to call it off, for he has helped you more than you have helped him. If your talk has been sane, quiet and full of human understanding, you have perhaps made a friend. Maybe you have disturbed him about the question of alcoholism. This is all to the good. The more hopeless he feels, the better. he will be more likely to follow your suggestions."
144. Page 94, ¶2: "Your candidate may give reasons why he need not follow all of the program. He may rebel at the thought of a drastic housecleaning which requires discussion with other people. Do not contradict such views. Tell him you once felt as he does, but you doubt whether you would have made much progress had you not taken action. On your first visit tell him about the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. If he shows interest, lend him your copy of this book."
145. Page 95, ¶1: "Unless your friend wants to talk further about himself, do not wear out your welcome. Give him a chance to think it over. If you do stay, let him steer the conversation in any direction he like. Sometimes a new man is anxious to proceed at once, and you may be tempted to let him do so. This is sometimes a mistake. If he has trouble later, he is likely to say you rushed him. You will be most successful with alcoholics if you do not exhibit any passion for crusade or reform. Never talk down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop; simply lay out the kit of spiritual tools for his inspection. Show him how they worked with you. Offer him friendship and fellow ship. Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do anything to help."
146. Page 95, ¶2: "If he is not interested in your solution, if he expects you to act only as a banker for his financial difficulties or a nurse for his sprees, you may have to drop him until he changes his mind. This he may do after he gets hurt some more."
147. Page 95, ¶3: "If he is sincerely interested and wants to see you again, ask him to read this book in the interval. After doing that, he must decide for himself whether he wants to go on. He should not be pushed or prodded by you, his wife, or his friends. If he is to find God, the desire must come from within."
148. Page 95, ¶4: "If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience. We have no monopoly on God; we merely have an approach that worked with us. But point out that we alcoholics have much in common and that you would like, in any case, to be friendly. Let it go at that."
149. Page 96, ¶1: "Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself. To spend too much time on any one situation is to deny some other alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy. One of our Fellowship failed entirely with his first half dozen prospects. He often says that if he had continued to work on them, he might have deprived many others, who have since recovered, of their chance."
150. Page 96, ¶2: "Suppose now you are making your second visit to a man. He has read this volume and says he is prepared to go through with the Twelve Steps of the program of recovery. Having had the experience yourself, you can give him much practical advice. Let him know you are available if he wishes to make a decision and tell his story, but do not insist upon it if he prefers to consult someone else."
151. Page 96, ¶3: "He may be broke and homeless. If he is, you might try to help him about getting a job, or give him a little financial assistance. But you should not deprive your family or creditors of money they should have. Perhaps you will want to take the man into your home for a few days. But be sure you use discretion. Be certain he will be welcomed by your family, and that he is not trying to impose upon you for money, connections, or shelter. Permit that and you only harm him. You will be making it possible for him to be insincere. You may be aiding in his destruction rather than his recovery."
152. Page 97, ¶1: "Never avoid these responsibilities, but be sure you are doing the right thing if you assume them. Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. A kindly act once in a while isn't enough. You have to act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be. It may mean the loss of many nights' sleep, great interference with your pleasures, interruptions to your business. It may mean sharing your money and your home, counseling frantic wives and relatives, innumerable trips to police courts, sanitariums, hospitals, jails and asylums. Your telephone may jangle at any time of the day or night. Your wife may sometimes say she is neglected. A drunk may smash the furniture in your home, or burn a mattress. You may have to fight with him if he is violent. Sometimes you will have to call a doctor and administer sedatives under his direction. Another time you may have to send for the police or an ambulance. Occasionally you will have to meet such conditions."
153. Page 97, ¶2: "We seldom allow an alcoholic to live in our homes for long at a time. It is not good for him, and it sometimes creates serious complications in a family. Though an alcoholic does not respond, there is no reason why you should neglect his family. You should continue to be friendly to them. The family should be offered your way of life. Should they accept and practice spiritual principles, there is a much better chance that the head of the family will recover. And even though he continues to drink, the family will find life more bearable."
154. Page 97, ¶3: "For the type of alcoholic who is able and willing to get well, little charity, in the ordinary sense of the word, is need or wanted. The men who cry for money and shelter before conquering alcohol, are on the wrong track. Yet we do go to great extremes to provide each other with these very things, when such action is warranted. This may seem inconsistent, but we think it is not."
155. Page 98, ¶1: "It is not the matter of giving that is in question, but when and how to give. That often makes the difference between failure and success. The minute we put our work on a service plane, the alcoholic commences to rely upon our assistance rather than upon God. He clamors for this or that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for. Nonsense. Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job wife or no wife we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God."
156. Page 98, ¶2: "Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house."
157. Page 98, ¶3: "Now, the domestic problem: There may be divorce, separation, or just strained relations. When your prospect has made such reparation as he can to his family, and has thoroughly explained to them the new principles by which he is living, he should proceed to put those principles into action at home. That is, if he is lucky enough to have a home. Though his family be at fault in many respects, he should not be concerned about that. He should concentrate on his own spiritual demonstration. Argument and faultfinding are to be avoided like the plague. In many homes this is a difficult thing to do, but it must be done if any results are to be expected. If persisted in for a few months, the effect on a man's family is sure to be great. The most incompatible people discover they have a basis upon which they can meet. Little by little the family may see their own defects and admit them. These can then be discussed in an atmosphere of helpfulness and friendliness."
158. Page 99, ¶1: "After they have seen tangible results, the family will perhaps want to go along. These things will come to pass naturally and in good time provided, however, the alcoholic continues to demonstrate that he can be sober, considerate, and helpful, regardless of what anyone says or does. Of course, we all fall much below this standard many times. But we must try to repair the damage immediately lest we pay the penalty by a spree."
159. Page 99, ¶2: "If there be divorce or separation, there should be no undue haste for the couple to get together. The man should be sure of his recovery. The wife should fully understand his new way of life. If their old relationship is to be resumed it must be on a better basis, since the former did not work. This means a new attitude and spirit all around. Sometimes it is to the best interests of all concerned that a couple remain apart. Obviously, no rule can be laid down. Let the alcoholic continue his program day by day. When the time for living together has come, it will be apparent to both parties."
160. Page 99, ¶3: "Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has his family back. This just isn't so. In some cases the wife will never come back for one reason or another. Remind the prospect that his recovery is not dependent upon people. It is dependent upon his relationship with God. We have seen men get well whose families have not returned at all. We have seen others slip when the family came back too soon."
161. Page 100, ¶1: "Both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist, remarkable things will happen. When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned. Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your present circumstances!"
162. Page 100, ¶2: "When working with a man and his family, you should take care not to participate in their quarrels. You may spoil your chance of being helpful if you do. But urge upon a man's family that he has been a very sick person and should be treated accordingly. You should warn against arousing resentment or jealousy. You should point out that his defects of character are not going to disappear over night. Show them that he has entered upon a period of growth. Ask them to remember, when they are impatient, the blessed fact of his sobriety."
163. Page 100, ¶3: "If you have been successful in solving your own domestic problems, tell the newcomer's family how that was accomplished. In this way you can set them on the right track without becoming critical of them. The story of how you and your wife settled your difficulties is worth any amount of criticism."
164. Page 100, ¶4: "Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol at all."
165. Page 101, ¶1: "We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status."
166. Page 101, ¶2: "In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed."
167. Page 101, ¶3: "So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't."
168. Page 101, ¶4: "You will note that we made and important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, 'Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?' If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead!"
169. Page 102, ¶1: "Why sit with a long face in places where there is drinking, sighing about the good old days. If it is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those there; if a business occasion, go and attend to your business enthusiastically. If you are with a person who wants to eat in a bar, by all means go along. Let your friends know they are not to change their habits on your account. At a proper time and place explain to all your friends why alcohol disagrees with you. If you do this thoroughly, few people will ask you to drink. While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. Now you are getting back into the social life of this world. Don't start to withdraw again just because your friends drink liquor."
170. Page 102, ¶2: "Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. You should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand. Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed."
171. Page 102, ¶3: "Many of us keep liquor in our homes. We often need it to carry green recruits through a severe hangover. Some of us still serve it to our friends provided they are not alcoholic. But some of us think we should not serve liquor to anyone. We never argue this question. We feel that each family, in the light of their own circumstances, ought to decide for themselves."
172. Page 103, ¶1: "We are careful never to show intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution. Experience shows that such an attitude is not helpful to anyone. Every new alcoholic looks for this spirit among us and is immensely relieved when he finds we are not witch-burners. A spirit of intolerance might repel alcoholics whose lives could have been saved, had it not been for such stupidity. We would not even do the cause of temperate drinking any good, for not one drinker in a thousand likes to be told anything about alcohol by one who hates it.
173. Page 103, ¶2: "Some day we hope that Alcoholics Anonymous will help the public to a better realization of the gravity of the alcoholic problem, but we shall be of little use if our attitude is one of bitterness or hostility. Drinkers will not stand for it.
174. Page 103, ¶3: "After all, our problems were of our own making. Bottles were only a symbol. Besides, we have stopped fighting anybody or anything. We have to."

     From Chapter 8: 'To Wives':
     

175. Page 108, ¶2: "Try not to condemn your alcoholic husband no matter what he says or does. He is just another very sick, unreasonable person."
176. Page 108, ¶2: "Treat him, when you can, as though he had pneumonia. When he angers you, remember that he is very ill."
177. Page 108, ¶3: "There is an important exception to the foregoing. We realize some men are thoroughly bad-intentioned, that no amount of patience will make any difference. An alcoholic of this temperament may be quick to use this chapter as a club over your head. Don't let him get away with it. If you are positive he is one of this type you may feel you had better leave him. Is it right to let him ruin your life and the lives of your children? Especially when he has before him a way to stop his drinking and abuse if he really wants to pay the price."
178. Page 111, ¶1: "The first principle of success is that you should never be angry."
179. Page 111, ¶1: "Even though your husband becomes unbearable and you have to leave him temporarily, you should, if you can, go without rancor."
180. Page 111, ¶1: "Patience and good temper are most necessary."
181. Page 111, ¶2: "Our next thought is that you should never tell him what he must do about his drinking. If he gets the idea that you are a nag or a killjoy, your chance of accomplishing anything useful may be zero. He will use that as an excuse to drink more. He will tell you he is misunderstood. This may lead to lonely evenings for you."
182. Page 111, ¶3: "Be determined that your husband's drinking is not going to spoil your relations with your children or your friends. They need your companionship and your help."
183. Page 111, ¶3: "It is possible to have a full and useful life, though your husband continues to drink. We know women who are unafraid, even happy under these conditions."
184. Page 111, ¶3: "Do not set your heart on reforming your husband. You may be unable to do so, no matter how hard you try."
185. Page 111, ¶4: "We know these suggestions are sometimes difficult to follow, but you will save many a heartbreak if you can succeed in observing them. Your husband may come to appreciate your reasonableness and patience."
186. Page 111, ¶4: "This may lay the groundwork for a friendly talk about his alcoholic problem. Try to have him bring up the subject himself."
187. Page 111, ¶4: "Be sure you are not critical during such a discussion. Attempt instead, to put yourself in his place. Let him see that you want to be helpful rather than critical."
188. Page 111, ¶5: "When a discussion does arise, you might suggest he read this book or at least the chapter on alcoholism."
189. Page 112, ¶0: "Tell him you have been worried, though perhaps needlessly."
190. Page 112, ¶0: "You think he ought to know the subject better, as everyone should have a clear understanding of the risk he takes if he drinks too much."
191. Page 112, ¶0: "Show him you have confidence in his power to stop or moderate."
192. Page 112, ¶0: "Say you do not want to be a wet blanket; that you only want him to take care of his health. Thus you may succeed in interesting him in alcoholism."
193. Page 112, ¶1: "He probably has several alcoholics among his own acquaintances. You might suggest that you both take an interest in them. Drinkers like to help other drinkers. Your husband may be willing to talk to one of them."
194. Page 112, ¶2: "If this kind of approach does not catch your husband's interest, it may be best to drop the subject, but after a friendly talk your husband will usually revive the topic himself."
195. Page 112, ¶2: "This may take patient waiting, but it will be worth it."
196. Page 112, ¶2: "Meanwhile you might try to help the wife of another serious drinker. If you act upon these principles, your husband may stop or moderate."
197. Page 112, ¶3: "Suppose, however, that your husband fits the description of number two. The same principles which apply to husband number one should be practiced."
198. Page 112, ¶3: "But after his next binge, ask him if he would really like to get over drinking for good. Do not ask that he do it for you or anyone else. Just would he like to?"
199. Page 112, ¶4: "The chances are he would. Show him your copy of this book and tell him what you have found out about alcoholism. Show him that as alcoholics, the writers of the book understand. Tell him some of the interesting stories you have read."
200. Page 112, ¶4: "If you think he will be shy of a spiritual remedy, ask him to look at the chapter on alcoholism. Then perhaps he will be interested enough to continue."
201. Page 113, ¶1: "If he is enthusiastic your cooperation will mean a great deal. If he is lukewarm or thinks he is not an alcoholic, we suggest you leave him alone. Avoid urging him to follow our program. The seed has been planted in his mind."
202. Page 113, ¶1: "He knows that thousands of men, much like himself, have recovered. But don't remind him of this after he has been drinking, for he may be angry."
203. Page 113, ¶1: "Wait until repeated stumbling convinces him he must act, for the more you hurry him the longer his recovery may be delayed."
204. Page 113, ¶2: "If you have a number three husband, you may be in luck. Being certain he wants to stop, you can go to him with this volume as joyfully as though you had struck oil. He may not share your enthusiasm, but he is practically sure to read the book and he may go for the program at once. If he does not, you will probably not have long to wait. Again, you should not crowd him. Let him decide for himself."
205. Page 113, ¶2: "Cheerfully see him through more sprees."
206. Page 113, ¶2: "Talk about his condition or this book only when he raises the issue."
207. Page 113, ¶2: "In some cases it may be better to let someone outside the family present the book. They can urge action without arousing hostility."
208. Page 114, ¶1: "There are exceptions. Some men have been so impaired by alcohol that they cannot stop. Sometimes there are cases where alcoholism is complicated by other disorders. A good doctor or psychiatrist can tell you whether these complications are serious."
209. Page 114, ¶1: "In any event, try to have your husband read this book. His reaction may be one of enthusiasm."
210. Page 114, ¶1: "If he is already committed to an institution, but can convince you and your doctor that he means business, give him a chance to try our method, unless the doctor thinks his mental condition too abnormal or dangerous. We make this recommendation with some confidence.
211. Page 114, ¶2: "Perhaps you have a husband who is at large, but who should be committed. Some men cannot or will not get over alcoholism. When they become too dangerous, we think the kind thing to do is to lock them up, but of course a good doctor should always be consulted."
212. Page 114, ¶3: "But sometimes you must start life anew. We know women who have done it. If such women adopt a spiritual way of life their road will be smoother."
213. Page 115, ¶1: "While you need not discuss your husband at length, you can quietly let your friends know the nature of his illness. But you must be on guard not to embarrass or harm your husband."
214. Page 115, ¶3: "The same principle applies in dealing with the children. Unless they actually need protection from their father, it is best not to take sides in any argument he has with them while drinking."
215. Page 115, ¶3: "Use your energies to promote a better understanding all around. Then that terrible tension which grips the home of every problem drinker will be lessened."
216. Page 115, ¶4: "Frequently, you have felt obliged to tell your husband's employer and his friends that he was sick, when as a matter of fact he was tight. Avoid answering these inquiries as much as you can. Whenever possible, let your husband explain. Your desire to protect him should not cause you to lie to people when they have a right to know where he is and what he is doing."
217. Page 115, ¶4: "Discuss this with him when he is sober and in good spirits."
218. Page 116, ¶0: "Ask him what you should do if he places you in such a position again."
219. Page 116, ¶0: "But be careful not to be resentful about the last time he did so."
220. Page 116, ¶1: "There is another paralyzing fear. You may be afraid your husband will lose his position; you are thinking of the disgrace and hard times which will befall you and the children. This experience may come to you. Or you may already have had it several times. Should it happen again, regard it in a different light. Maybe it will prove a blessing! It may convince your husband he wants to stop drinking forever. And now you know that he can stop if he will! Time after time, this apparent calamity has been a boon to us, for it opened up a path which led to the discovery of God."
221. Page 116, ¶2: "As our husbands began to apply spiritual principles in their lives, we began to see the desirability of doing so too."
222. Page 116, ¶3: "At first, some of us did not believe we needed this help. We thought, on the whole, we were pretty good women, capable of being nicer if our husbands stopped drinking. But it was a silly idea that we were too good to need God. Now we try to put spiritual principles to work in every department of our lives. When we do that, we find it solves our problems too; the ensuing lack of fear, worry and hurt feelings is a wonderful thing.
223. Page 117, ¶0: "We urge you to try our program, for nothing will be so helpful to your husband as the radically changed attitude toward him which God will show you how to have. Go along with you husband if you possibly can."
224. Page 117, ¶2: "The faith and sincerity of both you and your husband will be put to the test. These workouts should be regarded as part of your education, for thus you will be learning to live."
225. Page 117, ¶2: "You will make mistakes, but if you are in earnest they will not drag you down. Instead, you will capitalize them. A better way of life will emerge when they are overcome."
226. Page 117, ¶3: "Some of the snags you will encounter are irritation, hurt feelings and resentments. Your husband will sometimes be unreasonable and you will want to criticize. Starting from a speck on the domestic horizon, great thunderclouds of dispute may gather. These family dissensions are very dangerous, especially to your husband. Often you must carry the burden of avoiding them or keeping them under control."
227. Page 117, ¶3: "Never forget that resentment is a deadly hazard to an alcoholic. We do not mean that you have to agree with you husband whenever there is an honest difference of opinion."
228. Page 117, ¶3: "Just be careful not to disagree in a resentful or critical spirit."
229. Page 118, ¶1: "You and your husband will find that you can dispose of serious problems easier than you can the trivial ones. Next time you and he have a heated discussion, no matter what the subject, it should be the privilege of either to smile and say, "This is getting serious. I'm sorry I got disturbed. Let's talk about it later."
230. Page 118, ¶2: "Your husband knows he owes you more than sobriety. He wants to make good. Yet you must not expect too much. His ways of thinking and doing are the habits of years."
231. Page 118, ¶2: "Patience, tolerance, understanding and love are the watchwords. Show him these things in yourself and they will be reflected back to you from him."
232. Page 118, ¶2: "Live and let live is the rule."
233. Page 118, ¶2: "If you both show a willingness to remedy your own defects, there will be little need to criticize each other."
234. Page 118, ¶3: "Be patient."
235. Page 119, ¶0: "When resentful thoughts come, try to pause and count your blessings. After all, your family is reunited, alcohol is no longer a problem and you and your husband are working together toward an un-dreamed-of future."
236. Page 119, ¶1: "He gets stirred up about (others) troubles, but not about yours. It will do little good if you point that out and urge more attention for yourself."
237. Page 119, ¶1: "We find it a real mistake to dampen his enthusiasm for alcoholic work."
238. Page 119, ¶1: "You should join in his efforts as much as you possibly can."
239. Page 119, ¶1: "We suggest that you direct some of your thought to the wives of his new alcoholic friends. They need the counsel and love of a woman who has gone through what you have."
240. Page 119, ¶2: "It is probably true that you and your husband have been living too much alone, for drinking many times isolates the wife of an alcoholic. Therefore, you probably need fresh interests and a great cause to live for as much as your husband."
241. Page 119, ¶2: "If you cooperate, rather than complain, you will find that his excess enthusiasm will tone down."
242. Page 119, ¶2: "Both of you will awaken to a new sense of responsibility for others."
243. Page 120, ¶0: "You, as well as your husband, ought to think of what you can put into life instead of how much you can take out. Inevitably your lives will be fuller for doing so. You will lose the old life to find one much better."
244. Page 120, ¶1: "Perhaps your husband will make a fair start on the new basis, but just as things are going beautifully he dismays you be coming home drunk. If you are satisfied he really wants to get over drinking, you need not be alarmed."
245. Page 120, ¶1: "Though it is infinitely better that he have no relapse at all, as has been true with many of our men, it is by no means a bad thing in some cases. Your husband will see at once that he must redouble his spiritual activities if he expects to survive. You need not remind him of his spiritual deficiency he will know of it."
246. Page 120, ¶1: "Cheer him up and ask him how you can be still more helpful."
247. Page 120, ¶2: "The slightest sign of fear or intolerance may lessen your husband's chance or recovery. In a weak moment he may take your dislike of his high-stepping friends as one of those insanely trivial excuses to drink."
248. Page 120, ¶3: "We never, never try to arrange a man's life so as to shield him from temptation. The slightest disposition on your part to guide his appointment or his affairs so he will not be tempted will be noticed."
249. Page 120, ¶3: "Make him feel absolutely free to come and go as he likes. This is important.
250. Page 120, ¶3: "If he gets drunk, don't blame yourself. God has either removed your husband's liquor problem or He has not. If not, it had better be found out right away. Then you and your husband can get right down to fundamentals.
251. Page 120, ¶3: "If a repetition is to be prevented, place the problem, along with everything else, in God's hands.

     From Chapter 9: 'The Family Afterward':
     

252. Page 122, ¶1: "Our women folk have suggested certain attitudes a wife may take with the husband who is recovering. Perhaps they created the impression that he is to be wrapped in cotton wool and placed on a pedestal. Successful readjustment means the opposite. All members of the family should meet upon the common ground of tolerance, understanding and love. This involves a process of deflation. The alcoholic, his wife, his children, his "inlaws," each one is likely to have fixed ideas about the family's attitude towards himself or herself. Each is interested in having his or her wishes respected. We find the more one member of the family demands that the others concede to him, the more resentful they become. This makes for discord and unhappiness."
253. Page 123, ¶3: "Father knows he is to blame; it may take him many seasons of hard work to be restored financially, but he shouldn't be reproached. Perhaps he will never have much money again. But the wise family will admire him for what he is trying to be, rather than for what he is trying to get."
254. Page 123, ¶4: "The family may be possessed by the idea that future happiness can be based only upon forgetfulness of the past. We think that such a view is self centered and in direct conflict with the new way of living."
255. Page 124, ¶1: "Henry Ford once made a wise remark to the effect that experience is the thing of supreme value is life. That is true only if one is willing to turn the past to good account. We grow by our willingness to face and rectify errors and convert them into assets."
256. Page 124, ¶2: "This painful past may be of infinite value to other families still struggling with their problem. We think each family which has been relieved owes something to those who have not, and when the occasion requires, each member of it should be only too willing to bring former mistakes, no matter how grievous, out of their hiding places. Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now. Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have is the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them."
257. Page 126, ¶3: "This sort of thing can be avoided. Both father and the family are mistaken, though each side may have some justification. It is of little use to argue and only makes the impasse worse."
258. Page 127, ¶0: "The family must realize that dad, though marvelously improved, is still convalescing. They should be thankful he is sober and able to be of this world once more."
259. Page 127, ¶0: "Let them praise his progress. Let them remember that his drinking wrought all kinds of damage that may take long to repair. If they sense these things, they will not take so seriously his periods of crankiness, depression, or apathy, which will disappear when there is tolerance, love, and spiritual understanding.
260. Page 127, ¶3: "As each member of a resentful family begins to see his shortcomings and admits them to the others, he lays a basis for helpful discussion."
261. Page 127, ¶3: "These family talks will be constructive if they can be carried on without heated argument, self-pity, self-justification or resentful criticism."
262. Page 127, ¶3: "Little by little, mother and children will see they ask too much, and father will see he gives too little."
263. Page 127, ¶3: "Giving, rather than getting, will become the guiding principle."
264. Page 129, ¶1: "If the family will appreciated that dad's current behavior (being spiritually unbalanced) is but a phase of his development, all will be well. In the midst of an understanding and sympathetic family, these vagaries of dad's spiritual infancy will quickly disappear."
265. Page 129, ¶3: "Though the family does not fully agree with dad's spiritual activities, they should let him have his head. Even if he displays a certain amount of neglect and irresponsibility towards the family, it is well to let him go as far as he like in helping other alcoholics. During those first days of convalescence, this will do more to insure his sobriety than anything else. Though some of his manifestations are alarming and disagreeable, we think dad will be on a firmer foundation than the man who is placing business or professional success ahead of spiritual development. He will be less likely to drink again, and anything is preferable to that."
266. Page 130, ¶2: "One more suggestion: Whether the family has spiritual convictions or not, they may do well to examine the principles by which the alcoholic member is trying to live. They can hardly fail to approve these simple principles, though the head of the house still fails somewhat in practicing them."
267. Page 130, ¶2: "Nothing will help the man who is off on a spiritual tangent so much as the wife who adopts a sane spiritual program, making a better practical use of it."
268. Page 131, ¶0: "Father, coming suddenly to life again, often begins to assert himself. This means trouble, unless the family watches for these tendencies in each other and comes to a friendly agreement about them."
269. Page 131, ¶2: "At the very beginning, the couple ought to frankly face the fact that each will have to yield here and there if the family is going to play an effective part in the new life."
270. Page 131, ¶2: "Though the family has no religious connections, they may wish to make contact with or take membership in a religious body."
271. Page 135, ¶4: "We have three little mottoes which are apropos. Here they are: First Things First, Live and Let Live, Easy Does It."

     From Chapter 10: 'To Employers':
     

272. Page 140, ¶1: "(In dealing with alcoholism) Can you discard the feeling that you are dealing only with habit, with stubbornness, or a weak will?"
273. Page 140, ¶1: "If this presents difficulty, rereading chapters two and three, where alcoholic sickness is discussed at length might be worth while. You, as a business man, want to know the necessities before considering the result."
274. Page 140, ¶1: "If you concede that your employee is ill, can he be forgiven for what he has done in the past? Can his past absurdities be forgotten? Can it be appreciated that he has been a victim of crooked thinking, directly caused by the action of alcohol on his brain?"
275. Page 141, ¶1: "If you are sure your man does not want to stop, he may as well be discharged, the sooner the better. You are not doing him a favor by keeping him on. Firing such an individual may prove a blessing to him. It may be just the jolt he needs."
276. Page 141, ¶2: "But there are many men who want to stop, and with them you can go far. Your understanding treatment of their cases will pay dividends."
277. Page 141, ¶3: "Perhaps you have such a man in mind. He wants to quit drinking and you want to help him, even if it be only a matter of good business. You now know more about alcoholism. You can see that he is mentally and physically sick. You are willing to overlook his past performances. Suppose an approach is made something like this:"
278. Page 141, ¶4: "State that you know about his drinking, and that it must stop. You might say you appreciate his abilities, would like to keep him, but cannot if he continues to drink. A firm attitude at this point has helped many of us."
279. Page 142, ¶1: "Next he can be assured that you do not intend to lecture, moralize, or condemn; that if this was done formerly, it was because of misunderstanding. If possible express a lack of hard feeling toward him. At this point, it might be well to explain alcoholism, the illness. Say that you believe he is a gravely ill person, with this qualification is being perhaps fatally ill, does he want to get well? You ask, because many alcoholics, being warped and drugged, do not want to quit. But does he? Will he take every necessary step, submit to anything to get well, to stop drinking for ever?"
280. Page 142, ¶2: "If he says yes, does he really mean it, or down inside does he think he is fooling you, and that after rest and treatment he will be able to get away with a few drinks now and then? We believe a man should be thoroughly probed on these points. Be satisfied he is not deceiving himself or you."
281. Page 142, ¶3: "Whether you mention this book is a matter for your discretion. If he temporizes and still thinks he can ever drink again, even beer, he might as well be discharged after the next bender which, if an alcoholic, he is almost certain to have. He should understand that emphatically. Either you are dealing with a man who can and will get well or you are not. If not, why waste time with him? This may seem severe, but it is usually the best course."
282. Page 142, ¶4: "After satisfying yourself that your man wants to recover and that he will go to any extreme to do so, you may suggest a definite course of action. For most alcoholics who are drinking, or who are just getting over a spree, a certain amount of physical treatment is desirable, even imperative. The matter of physical treatment should, of course, be referred to your own doctor. Whatever the method, its object is to thoroughly clear mind and body of the effects of alcohol. In competent hands, this seldom takes long nor is it very expensive. Your man will fare better if placed in such physical condition that he can think straight and no longer craves liquor. If you propose such a procedure to him, it may be necessary to advance the cost of the treatment, but we believe it should be made plain that any expense will later be deducted from his pay. It is better for him to feel fully responsible."
283. Page 143, ¶1: "If your man accepts your offer, it should be pointed out that physical treatment is but a small part of the picture. Though you are providing him with the best possible medical attention, he should understand that he must undergo a change of heart. To get over drinking will require a transformation of thought and attitude. We all had to place recovery above everything, for without recovery we would have lost both home and business."
284. Page 143, ¶2: "Can you have every confidence in his ability to recover? While on the subject of confidence, can you adopt the attitude that so far as you are concerned this will be a strictly personal matter, that his alcoholic dereliction's, the treatment about to be under taken, will never be discussed without his consent? It might be well to have a long chat with him on his return."
285. Page 144, ¶1: "We suggest you draw the book to the attention of the doctor who is to attend your patient during treatment. If the book is read the moment the patient is able, while acutely depressed, realization of his condition may come to him."
286. Page 144, ¶2: "We hope the doctor will tell the patient the truth about his condition, whatever that happens to be. When the man is presented with this volume it is best that no one tell him he must abide by its suggestions. The man must decide for himself."
287. Page 144, ¶3: "You are betting, or course, that your changed attitude plus the contents of this book will turn the trick. In some case it will, and in others it may not. But we think that if you persevere, the percentage of successes will gratify you. As our work spreads and our numbers increase, we hope your employees may be put in personal contact with some of us."
288. Page 144, ¶4: "On your employee's return, talk with him. Ask him if he thinks he has the answer. If he feels free to discuss his problems with you, if he knows you understand and will not be upset by anything he wishes to say, he will probably be off to a fast start."
289. Page 145, ¶1: "In this connection, can you remain undisturbed if the man proceeds to tell you shocking things? He may, for example, reveal that he has padded his expense account or that he has planned to take your best customers away from you. In fact, he may say almost anything if he has accepted our solution which, as you know, demands rigorous honesty. Can you charge this off as you would a bad account and start fresh with him? If he owes you money you may wish to make terms."
290. Page 145, ¶2: "If he speaks of his home situation, you can undoubtedly make helpful suggestions. Can he talk frankly with you so long as he does not bear business tales or criticize his associate?"
291. Page 145, ¶4: "One instance comes to mind in which a malicious individual was always making friendly little jokes about an alcoholic's drinking exploits. In this way he was slyly carrying tales. In another case, an alcoholic was sent to a hospital for treatment. Only a few knew of it at first but, within a short time, it was bill boarded throughout the entire company. Naturally this sort of thing decreased the man's chance of recovery. The employer can many times protect the victim from this kind of talk. The employer cannot play favorites, but he can always defend a man from needless provocation and unfair criticism."
292. Page 146, ¶1: "You may have to curb his desire to work sixteen hours a day. You may need to encourage him to play once in a while. He may wish to do a lot for other alcoholics and something of the sort may come up during business hours. A reasonable amount of latitude will be helpful. This work is necessary to maintain his sobriety."
293. Page 146, ¶2: "After your man has gone along without drinking for a few months, you may be able to make use of his services with other employees who are giving you the alcoholic runaround provided, of course, they are willing to have a third party in the picture. An alcoholic who has recovered, but holds a relatively unimportant job, can talk to a man with a better position."
294. Page 146, ¶3: "He will appreciate knowing you are not bothering your head about him, that you are not suspicious nor are you trying to run his life so he will be shielded from temptation to drink. If he is conscientiously following the program of recovery he can go anywhere your business may call him."
295. Page 147, ¶1: "If you are sure he doesn't mean business, there is not doubt you should discharge him. If, on the contrary, you are sure he is doing his utmost, you may wish to give him another chance. But you should feel under no obligation to keep him on, for your obligation has been well discharged already."
296. Page 147, ¶2: "There is another thing you might wish to do. If your organization is a large one, your junior executives might be provided with this book. You might let them know you have no quarrel with alcoholics of your organization. These juniors are often in a difficult position. Men under them are frequently their friends. So, for one reason or another, they cover these men, hoping matters will take a turn for the better. They often jeopardize their own positions by trying to help serious drinkers who should have been fired long ago, or else given an opportunity to get well."
297. Page 147, ¶3: "After reading this book, a junior executive can go to such a man and say approximately this, "Look here, Ed. Do you want to stop drinking or not? You put me on the spot every time you get drunk. It isn't fair to me or the firm. I have been learning something about alcoholism. If you are an alcoholic, you are a mighty sick man. You act like one. The firm wants to help you get over it, and if you are interested, there is a way out. If you take it, your past will be forgotten and the fact that you went away for treatment will not be mentioned. But if you cannot or will not stop drinking, I think you ought to resign."
298. Page 148, ¶1: "Your junior executive may not agree with the contents of our book. He need not, and often should not show it to his alcoholic prospect. But at least he will understand the problem and will no longer be misled by ordinary promises. He will be able to take a position with such a man which is eminently fair and square. He will have no further reason for covering up an alcoholic employee."
299. Page 148, ¶2: "It boils right down to this: No man should be fired just because he is alcoholic. If he wants to stop, he should be afforded a real chance. If he cannot or does not want to stop, he should be discharged. The exceptions are few."
300. Page 149, ¶1: "Even if you feel your organization has no alcoholic problem, it may pay to take another look down the line. You may make some interesting discoveries."

     From Chapter 11: 'A Vision For You':
     

301. Page 151, ¶3: "Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, "I don't miss it at all. Feel better. Work better. Having a better time." As ex-problem drinkers, we smile at such a sally. We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits."
302. Page 152, ¶1: "We have shown how we got out from under."
303. Page 152, ¶2: "...there is a substitute [for drinking] and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous."
304. Page 152, ¶4: "You are going to meet these new friends in your own community. Near you, alcoholics are dying helplessly like people in a sinking ship. If you live in a large place, there are hundreds. High and low, rich and poor, these are future fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous. Among them you will make lifelong friends. You will be bound to them with new and wonderful ties, for you will escape disaster together and you will commence shoulder to shoulder your common journey. Then you will know what it means to give of yourself that others may survive and rediscover life. You will learn the full meaning of "Love thy neighbor as thyself."
305. Page 153, ¶1: "...since these things have happened among us, they can happen with you. Should you wish them above all else, and be willing to make use of our experience, we are sure they will come. The age of miracles is till with us. Our own recovery proves that!"
306. Page 153, ¶2: "Our hope is that when this chip of a book is launched on the world tide of alcoholism, defeated drinkers will seize upon it, to follow its suggestions."
307. Page 153, ¶2: "Many, we are sure, will rise to their feet and march on. They will approach still other sick ones and fellowships of Alcoholics Anonymous may spring up in each city and hamlet, havens for those who must find a way out."
308. Page 153, ¶3: "In the chapter "Working With Others" you gathered an idea of how we approach and aid others to health."
309. Page 154, ¶4: "But what about his responsibilities-his family and the men who would die because they would not know how to get well, ah-yes, those other alcoholics? There must be many such in this town."
310. Page 155, ¶2: "When our friend related his experience, the man agreed that no amount of will power he might muster could stop his drinking for long. A spiritual experience, he conceded, was absolutely necessary, but the price seemed high upon the basis suggested."
311. Page 156, ¶3: "Both [Bill W. & Dr. Bob S.] saw that they must keep spiritually active. One day they called up the head nurse of a local hospital. They explained their need and inquired if she had a first class alcoholic prospect."
312. Page 157, ¶0: "Put him in a private room."
313. Page 157, ¶1: "Two days later, a future fellow of Alcoholics Anonymous stared glassily at the strangers beside his bed."
314. Page 157, ¶2: "Said one of the visitors, "We're giving you a treatment for alcoholism."
315. Page 157, ¶4: "For an hour, the two friends told him about their drinking experiences. Over and over, he would say: "That's me. That's me. I drink like that."
316. Page 157, ¶5: "The man in the bed was told of the acute poisoning from which he suffered, how it deteriorates the body of an alcoholic and warps his mind."
317. Page 157, ¶5: "There was much talk about the mental state preceding the first drink."
318. Page 157, ¶7: "The two friends spoke of their spiritual experience and told him about the course of action they carried out."
319. Page 158, ¶1: "Next day found the prospect more receptive. He had been thinking it over."
320. Page 158, ¶2: "On the third day the lawyer gave his life to the care and direction of his Creator, and said he was perfectly willing to do anything necessary."
321. Page 158, ¶4: "He has helped other men recover..."
322. Page 158, ¶5: "So, you see, there were three alcoholics in that town, who now felt they had to give to others what they had found, or be sunk. After several failures to find others, a fourth turned up."
323. Page 159, ¶1: "He had three visitors. After a bit, he said, "The way you fellows put this spiritual stuff makes sense. I'm ready to do business. I guess the old folks were right after all." So one more was added to the Fellowship."
324. Page 159, ¶2: "Though they knew they must help other alcoholics if they would remain sober, that motive became secondary. It was transcended by the happiness they found in giving themselves for others."
325. Page 159, ¶2: "They shared their homes, their slender resources, and gladly devoted their spare hours to fellow-sufferers."
326. Page 159, ¶2: "They were willing, by day or night, to place a new man in the hospital and visit him afterward."
327. Page 159, ¶2: "They grew in numbers. They experienced a few distressing failures, but in those cases they made an effort to bring the man's family into a spiritual way of living, thus relieving much worry and suffering."
328. Page 159, ¶3: "A year and six months later these three had succeeded with seven more. Seeing much of each other, scarce an evening passed that someone's home did not shelter a little gathering of men and women, happy in their release, and constantly thinking how they might present their discovery to some newcomer."
329. Page 159, ¶3: "In addition to these casual get-togethers, it became customary to set apart one night a week for a meeting to be at tended by anyone or everyone interested in a spiritual way of life. Aside from fellowship and sociability, the prime object was to provide a time and place where new people might bring their problems."
330. Page 160, ¶1: "One man and his wife placed their large home at the disposal of this strangely assorted crowd. This couple has since become so fascinated that they have dedicated their home to the word. Many a distracted wife has visited this house to find loving and understanding companionship among women who knew her problem, to hear from the lips of their husbands what had happened to them, to be advised how her own wayward mate might be hospitalized and approached when next he stumbled."
331. Page 160, ¶2: "Many a man, yet dazed from his hospital experience, has stepped over the threshold of that home into freedom. Many an alcoholic who entered there came away with an answer. He succumbed to that gay crowd inside, who laughed at their own misfortunes and understood his. Impressed by those who visited him at the hospital, he capitulated entirely when, later, in an upper room of this house, he heard the story of some man whose experience closely tallied with his own. The expression on the faces of the women, that indefinable something in the eyes of the men, the stimulating and electric atmosphere of the place, conspired to let him know that here was haven at last."
332. Page 160, ¶3: "The very practical approach to his problems, the absence of intolerance of any kind, the informality, the genuine democracy, the uncanny understanding which these people had were irresistible. He and his wife would leave elated by the thought of what they could now do for some stricken acquaintance and his family. They knew they had a host of new friends; it seemed they had known these strangers always. They had seen miracles, and one was to come to them. They had visioned the Great Reality-their loving and All Powerful Creator."
333. Page 161, ¶1: "Now, this house will hardly accommodate its weekly visitors, for they number sixty or eighty as a rule. Alcoholics are being attracted from far and near. From surrounding towns, families drive long distances to be present."
334. Page 161, ¶2: "But life among Alcoholics Anonymous is more than attending gatherings and visiting hospitals. Cleaning up old scrapes, helping to settle family differences, explaining the disinherited son to his irate parents, lending money and securing jobs for each other, when justified-these are everyday occurrences. No one is too discredited or has sunk too low to be welcomed cordially-if he means business. Social distinctions, petty rivalries and jealousies-these are laughed out of countenance. Being wrecked in the same vessel, being restored and united under one God, with hearts and minds attuned to the welfare of others, the things which matter so much to some people no longer signify much to them."
335. Page 162, ¶1: "Every few days this doctor suggests our approach to one of his patients. Understanding our work, he can do this with an eye to selecting those who are willing and able to recover on a spiritual basis. Many of us, former patients, go there to help. Then, in this eastern city, there are informal meetings such as we have described to you, where you may now see scores of members. There are the same fast friendships, there is the same helpfulness to one another as you find among our western friends. There is a good bit or travel between East and West and we foresee a great increase in this helpful interchange."
336. Page 162, ¶2: "Those of us who travel drop in as often as we can. This practice enables us to lend a hand, at the same time avoiding certain alluring distractions of the road, about which any traveling man can inform you."
337. Page 162, ¶3 & Page 163, ¶1: "Thus we grow. And so can you, though you be but one man with this book in your hand. We believe and hope it contains all you will need to begin. We know what you are thinking. You are saying to yourself: "I'm jittery and alone. I couldn't do that." But you can. You forget that you have just now tapped a source of power much greater than yourself. To duplicate, with such backing, what we have accomplished is only a matter of willingness, patience and labor."
338. Page 163, ¶2: "We know of an A.A. member who was living in a large community. He had lived there but a few weeks when he found that the place probably contained more alcoholics per square mile than any city in the country."
339. Page 163, ¶3: "Arrangements were also made with the chief psychiatrist of a large public hospital to select still others from the stream of misery which flows through that institution."
340. Page 163, ¶4: "So our fellow worker will soon have friends galore. Some of them may sink and perhaps never get up, but if our experience is a criterion, more than half of those approached will become fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous. When a few men in this city have found themselves, and have discovered the joy of helping others to face life again, there will be no stopping until everyone in that town has had his opportunity to recover-if he can and will."
341. Page 164, ¶1: "Still you may say: "But I will not have the benefit of contact with you who wrote this book." We cannot be sure. God will determine that, so you must remember that your real reliance is always upon Him. He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave."
342. Page 164, ¶2: "Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us."
343. Page 164, ¶2: "Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order."
344. Page 164, ¶2: "But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got."
345. Page 164, ¶2: "See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us."
346. Page 164, ¶3: "Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny."