Well now, as some of you know, I was shipwrecked in the Mediterranean last November 2005 in a terrific storm, not long after I had left the old Eireann sod, and I was 'Lost at Sea.'

There were these two cobbers in another boat not far from me, two Irishmen, Patrick and Michael, adrift in a lifeboat following their dramatic escape from another sinking ship.

While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.

To the amazement of Patrick, one of the wee folk popped out. This particular wee one, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"

The wee one clapped his hands with a deafening crash. Immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the wee one vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.

Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick, whose wish had just been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke:
"Nice going, Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."

When the Irish say that St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland, what they don't tell you is that he was the only one who saw any snakes!

"In order to find his equal, an Irishman is forced to talk to God"

The first American celebration of Saint Patrick's Day was in Boston, Massachusetts, in 1737. And ever since, for the last years, One Saint Patrick's Day At A Time, it has been used as an excuse for go-to-hell out-of-control rowdy drinking and singing and dancing in the streets in celebration of those facts.

Blarney Castle and the Stone of Eloquence

Blarney Castle is famous for its stone, which is traditionally believed to have the power to bestow eloquence, the gift of Blarney and B.S., on all those who kiss it, as if we don't have enough already. This is the origin of the expression, "I got stoned."

The Truth of Paddy McGuire

No proper Irish gathering would be complete without a tenor rendition of "Danny Boy" or "Toora Loora Loora" or "Wild Rover" or "Muirsheen Durkin" or A Little Bit Of Irish or I'llTake You Home Again, Kathleen, and An Irish Blessing, so click them.

Well now, I suppose it is only fitting that we close this meeting with the Our Father in the Irish.