1938 Original Manuscript for 1939 1st Edition BigBook Searchable 1976 3rd Edition BigBook On-Line

A Sensitive Alcoholic


I was up on the WWWeb browsing around, popped on "Friends In Recovery" [editorial note: the afore mentioned group no longer exists - the link has been removed] page, scanned through the comments, where I noted that some of the correspondents were having trouble with their sensitivity. So I put the following comments on the board.


This morning, a cold overcast day, Dec. 20, 1996, I walked outside to get in the truck to go out and butcher a ram at the ranch. It was not something I wanted to do but it had to be done. Mother needs the meat for the winter and she likes mutton, especially with curry and rice or in sweet and sour meatballs. I'll tag her recipe at the end of this letter. They are uuummmbelievably good. Especially at potlucks.

Justin, my grandnephew, and I, thanked our brother for the gift of his life and his generosity with his being, that Mother might be well this winter. Justin is my sister Nancy's grandson. Nancy died at the age of 24 from alcoholism, when Justin's father was 3.

A snowflake landed on the back of my hand as I reached for the door handle of the truck and it started a whole train of thought once again, How wonderfully, how gloriously, sensitive this human being has been wrought by Our Higher Power.

I became aware that I could feel, even with the slightest pressure, the imprint of the gas petal even through the sole of the pair of heavy snowboots I was wearing. And then I became aware of many more sensations.

It is amazing how sensitive (and tough and resilient) we have been created.

My sense of touch can feel a snowflake, a millionth of an ounce of pressure, the landing of a mosquito, the feel of the slightest breeze, the softness of a baby's skin, the gentlest caress, a difference of temperature of minute fractions of a degree, and yet capable of walking into a bake furnace at 600 degrees and being able to breathe the air, able to endure great heat, pressure and pain.......

My sense of hearing once was able to distinguish a whisper across the block, hear a pine needle drop in the forest, the sound of a deer walking a hundred yards away, the sound of a baby's quiet breathing in the next room, the soft murmurs and intonations of love, the difference between sounds varying only one cycle of frequency, yet capable of enduring sounds with the power to shatter walls and other objects not as resilient as we........

My sense of taste that can still taste the sweetness of my baby daughter's lips, and she is a married lady now, that can recognize and appreciate the flavor of a myriad of substances presented in as little as only one part in a million, and tough, able to enjoy a HOT cup of coffee or meal or the bite of a jalapeno........

My sense of smell is also as wonderfully capable, able to perceive odors consciously and subconsciously, where only one part per billion is presented, the glorious smell of a rose, the sweetgrass of the prairie, the smell off pines and of wild onions, the smell of an elk in rut at a distance through the woods, and of course those "pheromones" which bring our love together. It is also tough, able to withstand great floods of malodorous substances.......

My sense of sight is easily able to distinguish between millions of colors, able to perceive the light from the beginning of the universe, to see the vapor of the fog, the brilliance of a rainbow, the shimmering heat waves of a mid-summer day and the delicacy of that snowflake that landed on my hand, the finest detail of my loved ones face, the brilliance of the sun and in the darkness of the darkest night. Yes, it too is tough, (although not with the visual acuity that it once had when I was a young man)........

My sense of time, given me by that marvelous computer that is within every man and woman that has coordinated and stored and sorted every perception in a lifetime, that is capable of recalling every event and sense perception that has occurred. My sense of time can be like a fleeting second, or as drawn out as I desire, able to react to the slightest danger in less than the duration of a heartbeat, or to wallow around in all the sensations that are given me, that tells me when to go to bed and when to arise again. It too is tough and resilient, able to contract and expand at will, visiting the past in memory, always in the here and now in anticipation of the future ........

My sense of being is the combination of all these things, my sense of rightness and wrongness, given me by that ineffable Spirit of Creation, and my soul..........It too is sensitive and Tough.

John the Indian says of himself, and I believe this is true for every alcoholic,
"I am a very sensitive person, I get hurt easily and I don't suffer well."

Our sensitivities were given us out of the Creator's love, to protect us in danger, to brighten and enhance our lives, to give us the feelings that we call emotions, to be able to sense the pains, the joys, the thoughts, the emotions and feelings of our brothers and sisters everywhere, to share with us the beauty of his total creation, to let us experience His great love for us.......

Sometimes we don't appreciate our gifts, misconstruing, manipulating, misapplying the message which the Creator has sent us through our senses to give us happiness and joy and knowingness and freedom in life.......

Yes, I am a very sensitive person, but now with this understanding of my Higher Power's gifts, I can be very tough, able to endure all things in life without self-destructing.......with out picking up a drink to hide from my sensitivities. He has healed the error of my perceptions.........

It is only His strength, His gentleness and His Love that gives me all these sensitivities and strengths.......

Yes I am blessed with sensitivity, I have been given a lifetime of sensitivities........

Today I am a very grateful sensitive Alcoholic

Love and Peace, Barefoot

On this link on the web is a picture that will appeal to your sensitivities.
Mom and Nancy, 1939.   It is on Grandma Hardison's Paintings Page

G'ma Hardison's Sweet and Sour Meatballs

1 envelope regular onion soup mix, or a 1/2 cup of onion soup
1/2 cup water (if soup mix is used)
2 eggs
2 lb ground beef, mutton, elk or venison (I like elk best)

1 can 32 ounce sauerkraut, drained
1 can 8 ounce whole cranberry sauce
3/4 cup chili sauce
3/4 cup water
1/3 cup brown sugar, packed
Combine onion soup mix, 1/2 cup of water.
Beat in eggs with fork
Add meat and mix well
Shape into balls, approximately 30
Brown meatballs in skillet
Combine sauerkraut, cranberry sauce, chili sauce, 3/4 cup of water, and brown sugar
Pour half into 9"x13"x2" baking dish
Arrange meatballs on top of sauerkraut mix
Pour remainder of sauerkraut mix over the meatballs
Cover with foil
Bake at 325 for 20 minutes, remove foil and bake an additional 20 minutes
Season with Cajun Spice to taste

Happy Holidays to All

Love and Peace and Good Eating,


ABC Page 60 from the Big Book of AA

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Created Dec 24, 1996 in the Spirit of Cooperation

Three mighty important things, Pardn'r, LOVE And PEACE and SOBER-MINDEDNESS